This article has been updated to reflect 2026 data and recent developments.
If you live in New York or San Francisco, you probably already know how difficult it is to get your toddler into a good primary school. You almost have to register for a place before she is born. The problem is that primary schools are extremely limited in places in most major metropolitan areas. Consequently, parents will do almost anything to get their children into a desirable school. Back in the 50s and 60s, when I was growing up, pre-schools and nurseries were hard to find. That's because most mothers were stay-at-home mothers. Looking after the children was just part of the job description of a mother then. That began to change as more mothers began to work outside the home. In the 70s and 80s, preschools and nursery schools became a hot commodity. So, how do you position your child so she has the best chance of getting into a good primary school?
In 2026, the basic advice remains the same, although admissions procedures vary widely by school and market. Families should check each school's current age requirements, application dates, interview or observation procedures, and admissions priorities. ²ÝÁñÉçÇø School Review's ²ÝÁñÉçÇø School Admission Process: 2026 Complete Guide provides a current overview of the process.
In this video, Denise Pope offers advice on finding an elementary school.
1. Make sure your child attends a good preschool
It helps to have your child attend a well-regarded preschool. There are several practical reasons for this. The network of Pre-K school directors and primary school directors is active in any city. These professionals know each other. They communicate with each other regularly. They also know each other's work and the standards achieved at each school. So, if a primary school director calls your preschool director and asks about your child, your director's comments will count for a lot. Preparing kids and parents for preschool offers helpful advice and thoughts on getting your child into preschool. As I pointed out earlier, preschool places will be much tighter in an urban setting than in a smaller village or town far from the competitive city market.
In 2026, recommendations and records from a child's current school can still be important components of private school admissions. ²ÝÁñÉçÇø School Review's Applications - Principal/Head/Counselor Recommendation Form explains why assessments from educators who know a child can contribute to the admissions portfolio.
This video describes one of the popular early childhood education approaches.
2. Be involved
Parental involvement in school activities says much about a parent. If you are the kind of parent who asks what he can do to help and pitches in whenever asked to do something, the school will notice. So, when asked how supportive you are, your child's preschool director will give glowing reports about your helpfulness. If you are involved in school activities and support the school in a positive manner, it won't hurt your child's chances. Schools look at parents as much as they look at their children. If you offer to chaperone a field trip, help throw a party for your child's class, or raise money to buy new playground equipment, you will ingratiate yourself with the school. Actions always speak louder than words. Now, if you are both busy with careers that prevent you from attending school functions during the day on a regular basis, then be sure to let the school know. Writing a check for the scholarship fund or other worthy cause will help offset your inability to be on hand during the day. Of course, clear your schedule for those special occasions when your presence during the day is essential.
Parent involvement remains an important part of many private school communities in 2026, although families should focus on constructive engagement rather than viewing volunteering or giving as a route to admission. ²ÝÁñÉçÇø School Review's Parent Engagement in ²ÝÁñÉçÇø Schools in 2026 describes contemporary parent engagement as a partnership involving communication, community participation, and support for students. The also provides current resources intended to help families participate in and support their children's education.
3. Don't get a reputation as a difficult parent
If you have developed a reputation as a cantankerous or, even worse, a difficult parent, that information could kill your child's chances for admission to a good school. No school wants another difficult parent lurking about. The problem with earning a reputation as a difficult, demanding parent is that the negative cloud will not go away easily. It takes very little time to become known as a difficult parent. It takes forever to get rid of that reputation.
In 2026, private schools continue to consider whether a family understands and supports the school's mission and expectations. Parent statements, interviews, and other application components give admissions teams opportunities to learn about the family as well as the child. ²ÝÁñÉçÇø School Review's Applications - The Parent's Statement notes that schools use parent responses to understand a child and the family's expectations.
This video offers some ideas on how to deal with difficult parents.
4. Don't try to bribe your way in
You may have the financial resources of the Sultan of Brunei, but that means nothing to most primary school directors. The Grubman affair tainted those waters for most Manhattan admissions directors. What matters are the usual things: your child's readiness for the school's work and how the school sees you supporting both your child's school work and the school's objectives. Overbearing, self-important men and women rarely impress the director of any school. That's because the school director doesn't have to have much of an imagination to see that your example will only rub off on your children. Nobody wants self-important, overbearing students in her school.
Admissions practices in 2026 continue to emphasize the overall application and the fit between student, family, and school. The advises families to focus on finding a school whose mission, program, community, and educational approach suit the child rather than simply pursuing a particular name or reputation.
5. Play your choices carefully
Telling the admissions director at one school that you prefer another school is perhaps not the best thing to do. All you are going to do by confiding such information is to get your child removed from the school's list of places offered. Be honest with the school. Discuss your requirements in an even-handed manner. Ask questions as necessary to determine that the school is a good fit. Then make your informed decision.
In 2026, families may encounter fixed application deadlines, rolling admissions, waitlists, and online application systems, depending on the school. ²ÝÁñÉçÇø School Review's Admissions 101 recommends beginning with a clear understanding of your family's requirements, evaluating several schools, and using school visits to determine fit.
The remains one admissions assessment families may encounter at independent schools, although testing requirements vary by school and grade. Parents should confirm each school's current requirements directly rather than assuming a particular test is required.
The only sure way to put your child at the head of the list is to have other siblings at the school. Schools generally look kindly - all else being equal - at brothers and sisters and legacies. If you attended the school, your child would be considered a legacy.
Admissions priorities vary considerably in 2026, however, and sibling or legacy status should not be considered a guarantee of admission. Families should ask each school directly whether and how sibling, alumni, or other institutional relationships are considered. The provides resources for families navigating independent school choice and admissions.
